are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
