Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
