i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
party gras won. party gras always wins.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
