Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
