Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
