Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
