I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
