How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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