I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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