There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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