That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
