I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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