I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
