it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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