omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
