Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
