Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
