I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
