Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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