I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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