I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
they're like a gay fantastic four
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
