What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
