He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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