My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
