I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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