i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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