I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
