dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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