i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
