I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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