Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
