took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
