He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
