dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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