do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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