Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize