she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
