i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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