weddingsv make me drug and hornr
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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