So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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