I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
