I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
