the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
