Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
