I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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