don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
