so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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