it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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