Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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