I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
