the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
