i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
