He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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