so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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