i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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