i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
