I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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