Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
