did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
