the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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