Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
