I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
