I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
